In Which I Lampoon the Renaissance Faire...

If you live in the U.S., you know that August through October is Renaissance Faire season. That's not to say that there aren't Ren Faires at other times of the year - in fact they can be held year-round depending on the venue - but it seems that late summer through fall tends to be the busiest time for these weekend retreats into the middle ages.

With apologies to any of my friends and family who may be offended, I must say that I do not understand the appeal of Renaissance Faires and, quite frankly, I have a really hard time taking them seriously. So, after passing a billboard for an upcoming "RenFaire" on the highway last night I decided to come up with some catchy new slogans for these now seemingly ubiquitous events. Admittedly, most of these slogans take advantage of the various stereotypes and stigmas associated with Renaissance Faires and the people who attend them; clearly, I know that not all people fit the molds cast by such judgements... but, admittedly, without said stereotypes and stigmas I'd have no funny material to use.

Here are my slogan ideas:

• "Your local Renaissance Faire: promoting abstinence-only sex education since 1982!"
• "RenFaire: Another weekend. Another swordfight with the guys."
• "Renaissance Faire: Why have sex when you could be LARP-ing instead?"
• "RenFaire 2009: Where violence against women is not only acceptable, it's encouraged!"
• "RenFaire: Keeping the Halloween Store in business year-round since 1995."
• "Renaissance Faire: Crushing parents' dreams of having normal children since 1984."
• "The Renaissance Faire: Where everyone understands that Middle English crap you speak."
• "Renaissance Faire: Why meet women when you can wrestle with men in tights?"
• "RenFaire: It's not the size of your sword that matters, it's how you use it."
• "RenFaire: When you just can't make it to Medieval Times..."
• "Ladies, come to RenFaire, where EVERY man is an eligible bachelor. Guaranteed."
• "RenFaire: Where you can always find a noble man (and his mother)."
• "Renaissance Faire: Enabling adults' fantasies of moving out of their parents' houses since 1992."

Have a few slogan ideas of your own? Hit up the comments section and give it your best shot...